Column: Turn out the lights, the shopping’s over

Column: Turn out the lights, the shopping’s over

“Squirt” Sprinkle hated having to own a cell phone, until he was locked up. He always said he didn’t want to be bothered by phone calls while working as the official Gopher Woods chimney sweep and snake and varmint remover. “I need to keep my hands and my mind focused on my work.” But when his wife Misty Sprinkle considered buying him a mobile phone, she said it was because she never knew whose roof or crawl space he was occupying when she needed to ask him for advice. Like, if the hot pink chiffon cami top she was trying on at the dress shop would clash with her green eyes and auburn hair. So Misty got Squirt one of those Bluetooth phones that attach to the ear and make you look like you’ve developed an ugly growth. Squirt wore it to please Misty, not because he liked it. Anyway, he was glad to have his new earring on last Saturday night when he was shopping at the Gopher Woods Drug & Dry Cleaners. He was looking for a pair …
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